Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep couples together. Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, learn about gender differences is one of the keys to a successful marriage. So often when married couples go for counselling after marriage, because issues are arising in a marriage. When asked if the issue was discussed prior to getting married, the answer is often "no."
Don't make that mistake. Don't get married without knowing your future spouse's thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage.
Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.
1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on whether to have children or not. Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn't want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn't the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account.
The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money. If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn't want to talk about money, or doesn't think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until this issue is solved.
3. Can we talk about sex?
There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual's sexual libido. Albeit abstaince is the key while courting, as this will affect your ability to master SKELETON WOMAN aka lady death when she surfaces in your relationship, get to work on your communication, friendship, parents, likes and dislikes before even venturing into the secluded world of spiritual fantasies and pleasure.
However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn't get married until the issues are settled.Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If you and your partner are unable to talk about the issues, or if your future spouse doesn't see any real problem, or doesn't want to talk about sex with you, cancel the wedding.
4. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage or relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.
5. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is "no" or "why should I?" or "Isn't that your job?", you have several options.
• You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
• You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
• You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.
If none of these options work out, call off the wedding. This is another one of those issues that won't suddenly get better after you sign the marriage license.
6. How do you want to spend our days off?
The answer to this question will reveal several things.
• How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
• The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
• Whether or not you will come first before work.
Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.
7. How often do you Pray?
The answer to this question, or to questions about quite times with God and practising your faith unhibited, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a potential to give you the freddom and liberty we find in Christ Jesus, cause if you have differing views about tyour faith and how you should lead your family devotion and time together this could end up not only threatening your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy, when the divorce bells come ringing.
8. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management issues, puts you down, tells her family about every thing that transpires in your relationship, quite jealous, have a domineering attitude, wants you to be like his or her parents or tries to control who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don't think you can "save" him or her. You can't. This is a problem that needs professional counseling.
9. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
All marriages should be a monogamous relationship. Some certain individulas don’t see keeping one man or woman, even though they are married, If your future spouse and you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn't, don't get married until this issue has been discussed.
10. What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations. Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?
