The list isn’t intended in anyway to idealize what our partners should be or a life long relationship should be, but epitomizes there ability to commit to life long learning, through growth to become and have these qualities.
This will help to decrease conflict in relationship, albeit there is room for individuality, some of these qualities must already be present and they might just have problems articulating them and that’s where life long learning comes in, in order to help bring all the stored treasures out, for some individuals that won’t commit to self development or self growth are often very INTOLERANT IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS involving people
• Choose someone as though you were blind and see what you can feel about that person of their kindness, loyalty, Insight, Love for you, Devotion and there ability to be concerned with you about the issues in your world.
• Choose someone who when you hurt them they feel the pain and are willing to show it vice versa, also when they hurt you they can see your pain & they feel sorry for you and are willing to do what it takes within a reasonable amount of time to say sorry or make up. It is worrisome when you have a mate that does something that’s unkind & they show no reaction, that means they have lost touch with been fully human
• Choose someone who is on there own journey in life i.e. have a purpose and see you as there partner or traveller in that journey, wanting a co-creative experience with you, having that special bond that stretches which never breaks, not one which the stretching through conflict breaks the bond in your relationship.
• Choose someone who is willing to be your friend, not only your LOVER, but likes you as a person, who is willing to do for you what they can do for there friends, who can forgive your faults, , who in there humanity understands that mistakes are acceptable, since this is one outstanding quality that makes us all humans, in there humanity they are able to have compassion
• Choose someone who isn’t judgemental, who you feel relaxed around and you can be yourself with, someone who can laugh at themselves, who don’t take theirselves too seriously and are willing to stop an argument at a dime. Who has a purpose in life, but creates time to play with you and engages in stimulating conversations. Even if they aren’t tuned into jokes and like to win every argument, but are willing to learn how to end an argument before it escalates.
• Choose someone who is your soul mate, who will celebrate your strength and they see potential in you, who will persevere with your weaknesses or faults and willing to stick around and commit to help you become better and confident, until you change that thing about you which gives them concern, who will not betray the trust you have in them, sticking by you through thick & thin, through the varied challenges of life.
• Choose someone who has the ability to care for themselves, who is an independent being, who is interdependent, but not co-dependent. Someone who is willing to overlook some of your faults & annoying characteristics, someone who is tolerant within reason
• Choose someone who has the ability to learn, for those without knowledge are often intolerant about the issues of life. They must be open to learn newer ways of seeing things in a new light and be curious about this world, human nature and how people work
• Choose someone that isn’t closed up and don’t see things only in there way or that everything has to be this way and the only way. For life long relationship it is vital to have someone willing to evolve, learn and grow with you.
• Choose someone who is willing to be like you, who is strong but yet sensitive i.e. someone though on one side & also fragile on the other side. That is the ability to be flexible like a palm tree, yet strong & sensitive.
• Choose someone who has the ability to see things from the others perspective, one who is willing to be empathetic and understand where your coming from and be alert to things around oneself.
• Choose someone that has an inner life, who does something else besides there career or vocation i.e. they are religious, into painting, football, a form of escapism or into charity.
• Choose someone who has similar passions to you in life, for a relationship is for making memories together in life, it’s like a savings account to do things together, for they are the glue of the relationship, for pleasure & to tease each other, for both the good and bad times.
• Choose someone who is ready to support you, who have similar values about children, family members, child bearing, about your roots, the roles of men & women in relationship, about religion, about marriage and kinds of marriage.
• Choose someone who is compassionate, who is willing and able to listen and want to seat down and talk relationship problems over, giving equal time, building rhythm in your relationship, even though you have different views.
• The most important of all = choose someone that makes your life bigger, someone that challenges you, supports you, and encourages you, who don’t feel threatened by your success and achievement n life. Who feels comfortable & happy when you make great advancement or achieve greater heights in life
Thursday, June 18, 2009
10 Most Important Questions to ASK Before You Get Married
Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep couples together. Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, learn about gender differences is one of the keys to a successful marriage. So often when married couples go for counselling after marriage, because issues are arising in a marriage. When asked if the issue was discussed prior to getting married, the answer is often "no."
Don't make that mistake. Don't get married without knowing your future spouse's thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage.
Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.
1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on whether to have children or not. Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn't want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn't the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account.
The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money. If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn't want to talk about money, or doesn't think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until this issue is solved.
3. Can we talk about sex?
There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual's sexual libido. Albeit abstaince is the key while courting, as this will affect your ability to master SKELETON WOMAN aka lady death when she surfaces in your relationship, get to work on your communication, friendship, parents, likes and dislikes before even venturing into the secluded world of spiritual fantasies and pleasure.
However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn't get married until the issues are settled.Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If you and your partner are unable to talk about the issues, or if your future spouse doesn't see any real problem, or doesn't want to talk about sex with you, cancel the wedding.
4. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage or relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.
5. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is "no" or "why should I?" or "Isn't that your job?", you have several options.
• You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
• You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
• You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.
If none of these options work out, call off the wedding. This is another one of those issues that won't suddenly get better after you sign the marriage license.
6. How do you want to spend our days off?
The answer to this question will reveal several things.
• How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
• The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
• Whether or not you will come first before work.
Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.
7. How often do you Pray?
The answer to this question, or to questions about quite times with God and practising your faith unhibited, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a potential to give you the freddom and liberty we find in Christ Jesus, cause if you have differing views about tyour faith and how you should lead your family devotion and time together this could end up not only threatening your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy, when the divorce bells come ringing.
8. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management issues, puts you down, tells her family about every thing that transpires in your relationship, quite jealous, have a domineering attitude, wants you to be like his or her parents or tries to control who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don't think you can "save" him or her. You can't. This is a problem that needs professional counseling.
9. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
All marriages should be a monogamous relationship. Some certain individulas don’t see keeping one man or woman, even though they are married, If your future spouse and you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn't, don't get married until this issue has been discussed.
10. What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations. Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?
Don't make that mistake. Don't get married without knowing your future spouse's thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage.
Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.
1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on whether to have children or not. Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn't want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn't the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account.
The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money. If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn't want to talk about money, or doesn't think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until this issue is solved.
3. Can we talk about sex?
There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual's sexual libido. Albeit abstaince is the key while courting, as this will affect your ability to master SKELETON WOMAN aka lady death when she surfaces in your relationship, get to work on your communication, friendship, parents, likes and dislikes before even venturing into the secluded world of spiritual fantasies and pleasure.
However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn't get married until the issues are settled.Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If you and your partner are unable to talk about the issues, or if your future spouse doesn't see any real problem, or doesn't want to talk about sex with you, cancel the wedding.
4. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage or relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.
5. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is "no" or "why should I?" or "Isn't that your job?", you have several options.
• You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
• You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
• You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.
If none of these options work out, call off the wedding. This is another one of those issues that won't suddenly get better after you sign the marriage license.
6. How do you want to spend our days off?
The answer to this question will reveal several things.
• How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
• The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
• Whether or not you will come first before work.
Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.
7. How often do you Pray?
The answer to this question, or to questions about quite times with God and practising your faith unhibited, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a potential to give you the freddom and liberty we find in Christ Jesus, cause if you have differing views about tyour faith and how you should lead your family devotion and time together this could end up not only threatening your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy, when the divorce bells come ringing.
8. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management issues, puts you down, tells her family about every thing that transpires in your relationship, quite jealous, have a domineering attitude, wants you to be like his or her parents or tries to control who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don't think you can "save" him or her. You can't. This is a problem that needs professional counseling.
9. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
All marriages should be a monogamous relationship. Some certain individulas don’t see keeping one man or woman, even though they are married, If your future spouse and you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn't, don't get married until this issue has been discussed.
10. What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations. Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?
Unleash The Power Within ( Six Human Needs ) = Tony Robbins
If these basic human needs are present in all relationships, then that's half the job done, however you need to treat your date and courtship similar to an interview session, whereby you not only use all that time for fun.
But before SKELETON WOMAN TURNS UP, you get as much information about your partner's personality type, see if you are compatible or not and based on their personality type, are they capable of providing you with what you want in life, doing it at their best, all the time and in the long term of your partnership together.
However if that's not the case, but you equally love one another so much and are both prepared to work hard at modifying your personality types to suit each other wants and needs i.e. change then you're on to a winner.
Note also, that transformational change is a journey and not a destination, you have to be patient enough and die to self, so you can live for your partner, as Jesus admonished us, simply meaning we should through education conquer our EGO'S, life is such fun, when we surrender to one another, than letting our ego's get in the way of things, by feeding on our emotions.
1) Certainty/Comfort = We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value.
2) Variety = At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives.
Variety, will be in the form of engaging in different activities, visiting different places together, supporting each others interest, taking a liking in one's partner hobby or events.
This will bring in new positive energy into your relationship, thereby helping to reduce stress, bring about growth and also eliminate boredom, due to each other becoming comfortable with one another and living repitious & mundane lives.
3) Significance = Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn't matter.
4) Connection/Love = It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.
5) Growth = There could be some people who say they don't want to grow, but I think they're simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it's there.
6) Contribution = The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us.
If we refuse to contribute or support our partner, this will bring about resentment, it doesn't mean they aren't understanding, but due to human nature, their is a certain degree of expectation that a significant other in your life places on you, which is support and contribute something positive into their life purpose and dreams.
But before SKELETON WOMAN TURNS UP, you get as much information about your partner's personality type, see if you are compatible or not and based on their personality type, are they capable of providing you with what you want in life, doing it at their best, all the time and in the long term of your partnership together.
However if that's not the case, but you equally love one another so much and are both prepared to work hard at modifying your personality types to suit each other wants and needs i.e. change then you're on to a winner.
Note also, that transformational change is a journey and not a destination, you have to be patient enough and die to self, so you can live for your partner, as Jesus admonished us, simply meaning we should through education conquer our EGO'S, life is such fun, when we surrender to one another, than letting our ego's get in the way of things, by feeding on our emotions.
1) Certainty/Comfort = We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value.
2) Variety = At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives.
Variety, will be in the form of engaging in different activities, visiting different places together, supporting each others interest, taking a liking in one's partner hobby or events.
This will bring in new positive energy into your relationship, thereby helping to reduce stress, bring about growth and also eliminate boredom, due to each other becoming comfortable with one another and living repitious & mundane lives.
3) Significance = Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn't matter.
4) Connection/Love = It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.
5) Growth = There could be some people who say they don't want to grow, but I think they're simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it's there.
6) Contribution = The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us.
If we refuse to contribute or support our partner, this will bring about resentment, it doesn't mean they aren't understanding, but due to human nature, their is a certain degree of expectation that a significant other in your life places on you, which is support and contribute something positive into their life purpose and dreams.
How To Share What is in Your Heart With Your Spouse = Sheri & Bob Stritof
It's easy to share your thoughts, the information that's in your brain. However, it is not so easy to share the depth of your feelings that live in your heart.
By sharing what is in your heart with your spouse, you can achieve deeper intimacy. Here is a simple how to on how to share your feelings.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: varies
Here's How:
Recognize the difference between thoughts and emotional (not physical) feelings.
Use the 'I think vs. I feel' rule. If you can substitute the words 'I think' for 'I feel' in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.
Name the feeling. Use a list of feeling words if this is difficult.
Describe the feeling by writing it in such a way that your spouse can experience your feeling to the same degree.
Share your feeling with your spouse.
Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. It's the behavior that results because of the feeling that has the morality.
Accept that feelings come and go and change quickly. Try to not judge yourself or your spouse because of feelings.
Tips:
Rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Don't say things like 'Don't worry, be happy' or 'You shouldn't feel that way.'
Don't make decisions based on feelings.
Share your feelings with each other daily.
What You Need:
Openness
Honesty
Willingness to Make Time for Each Other
Committment
Acceptance
By sharing what is in your heart with your spouse, you can achieve deeper intimacy. Here is a simple how to on how to share your feelings.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: varies
Here's How:
Recognize the difference between thoughts and emotional (not physical) feelings.
Use the 'I think vs. I feel' rule. If you can substitute the words 'I think' for 'I feel' in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.
Name the feeling. Use a list of feeling words if this is difficult.
Describe the feeling by writing it in such a way that your spouse can experience your feeling to the same degree.
Share your feeling with your spouse.
Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. It's the behavior that results because of the feeling that has the morality.
Accept that feelings come and go and change quickly. Try to not judge yourself or your spouse because of feelings.
Tips:
Rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Don't say things like 'Don't worry, be happy' or 'You shouldn't feel that way.'
Don't make decisions based on feelings.
Share your feelings with each other daily.
What You Need:
Openness
Honesty
Willingness to Make Time for Each Other
Committment
Acceptance
How to Be a Man = Steve Pavlina
What does it mean to be a man today? How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?
Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:
1. Make real decisions.
A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.
When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.
A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.
2. Put your relationships second.
A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.
A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.
Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.
3. Be willing to fail.
A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.
A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.
A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.
4. Be confident.
A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.
A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.
A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.
5. Express love actively.
A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.
Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.
6. Re-channel sex energy.
A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.
A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)
A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.
7. Face your fears.
For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.
A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.
A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.
A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.
8. Honor the masculinity of other men.
When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.
When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.
The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.
A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.
9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.
A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.
A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.
A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.
A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.
10. Die well.
A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.
A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.
Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:
1. Make real decisions.
A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.
When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.
A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.
2. Put your relationships second.
A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.
A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.
Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.
3. Be willing to fail.
A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.
A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.
A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.
4. Be confident.
A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.
A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.
A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.
5. Express love actively.
A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.
Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.
6. Re-channel sex energy.
A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.
A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)
A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.
7. Face your fears.
For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.
A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.
A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.
A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.
8. Honor the masculinity of other men.
When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.
When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.
The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.
A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.
9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.
A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.
A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.
A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.
A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.
10. Die well.
A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.
A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.
Monday, June 15, 2009
How to make your marriage work = Kevin Miller
Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration. Together with their family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together. But the road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples opt not to complete the journey.
It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship.
But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.
Simply put, couples should get rid of there SHREK attitudes of selfishness, domineering tendencies, uncompromising and unco-operative attitudes, manipulative tendencies, using the kids to collect browny points etc for God isn't mocked whatever a man sows he shall reap.
To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:35-40)
I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.
Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?
As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together.
Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!
Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:
"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."
It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship.
But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.
Simply put, couples should get rid of there SHREK attitudes of selfishness, domineering tendencies, uncompromising and unco-operative attitudes, manipulative tendencies, using the kids to collect browny points etc for God isn't mocked whatever a man sows he shall reap.
To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:35-40)
I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.
Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?
As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together.
Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!
Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:
"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."
Lies That Ruin Relationships- Venusian Art
1. If my partner shapes up, then our relationship will work just right == It's not what Ur relationship can give 2 U, but what U can give 2 Ur relationship.
2. The grass is greener on the other side == If I choose a new partner, then they won't bring me all this unhappiness I'm going thru
3. My inner longing for happiness can only be met by what my partner says or does to me == No one has the responsibility for ones happiness.
4. My family & Friends are more important than my relationship == True! Families & established friendship are important == but the new friendship & family Ur trying to build is more important and requires more energy than the one already established.
5. Putting Ur partner in a box == Having a domineering, controlling, controversial & argumentative attitude, will only run ur relationship to the ground and remove the individuality, strength and uniqueness of each party, and what they bring to the relationship.
6. Inflexibility == Not sensitive to the feelings, pain and hurts ur action is causing your partner and refusing to communicate, listen, have compassion or value the differences in each other, thereby adapting for growth of ur long-time partnership.
7.Friendship == Constantly picking on the shortcomings of your partner and never celebrating their strength’s, makes them feel unwanted, unloved and not having ur friendship, which is vital for longterm partnership.
2. The grass is greener on the other side == If I choose a new partner, then they won't bring me all this unhappiness I'm going thru
3. My inner longing for happiness can only be met by what my partner says or does to me == No one has the responsibility for ones happiness.
4. My family & Friends are more important than my relationship == True! Families & established friendship are important == but the new friendship & family Ur trying to build is more important and requires more energy than the one already established.
5. Putting Ur partner in a box == Having a domineering, controlling, controversial & argumentative attitude, will only run ur relationship to the ground and remove the individuality, strength and uniqueness of each party, and what they bring to the relationship.
6. Inflexibility == Not sensitive to the feelings, pain and hurts ur action is causing your partner and refusing to communicate, listen, have compassion or value the differences in each other, thereby adapting for growth of ur long-time partnership.
7.Friendship == Constantly picking on the shortcomings of your partner and never celebrating their strength’s, makes them feel unwanted, unloved and not having ur friendship, which is vital for longterm partnership.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
5 DON’TS WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING
1 - DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your hea
2 - DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.
3 - DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mo! bile phone near you, switch it off first.
4 - DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep
5 - DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND
You may never wake up again. : )
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your hea
2 - DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.
3 - DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mo! bile phone near you, switch it off first.
4 - DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep
5 - DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND
You may never wake up again. : )
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Who Wants Sex More, Men or Women?
Who Wants Sex More, Men or Women?
Dr. Trina’s Point: Give it up guys…sex isn’t all about you.
Brian, do you remember the Woody Allen movie where on a split screen, Mia Farrow says to her psychiatrist, "He constantly wants sex—three times a week." On the adjacent screen Woody Allen says, "We hardly ever have sex—three times a week?"
I believe women do want sex as much as men. The challenge, though, is that it has to be memorable sex.
If any of you men are wondering why your gal isn’t as enthused about sex as you it’s probably because…are you ready? The sex is all about you, not her. Women would like sex to have a beginning, middle and end.
Instead, she gets the all-about-the-man sex—you clutch and grab her three hot spots, she hopefully has an orgasm and if not, oh well, there’s always next time, and then it’s on to you (finally!!!). After a few months of that old and tired routine other things bring more stimulation, like reading a romance novel.
It’s not rocket science Brian. Estrogen is far more powerful on female sexual desire than testosterone could ever hope to be. Think of when a woman is having her horny day. Heaven help the husband if he doesn’t pull through on a booty-call.
Men have two to 20 times more testosterone than women, but this does not mean men have 20 times the sex drive. A higher level of testosterone is needed for male sexual desire than for women.
And the thing that kills me Brian is guys get all wigged out if the gal is sexually assertive. Tracy Cox in her book Hot Sex writes, "These days, it’s just as likely to be her ripping off your suit and you’re complaining you’re too tired. And as women become more comfortable with sex, men are becoming less secure."
Hmmm. Let’s think about this. Men say they want an equal and active partner and when it happens his little head goes into hiding.
Most women see sex as emotional connection time. When she doesn’t feel that emotional connection because sex is only about having an orgasm, sex becomes one more thing on her to-do list.
Bottom line Brian: In order for women to want sex more, men have to give us a reason to have sex more. Stop making the sex all about you.
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint: Let’s get on the same schedule.
Trina, I agree that many women have equal or stronger sex drives than us men, but many do not. Here’s the proof. Research shows that 30 percent of women suffer from lack of desire. In fact, it’s the number one reason you chicks aren’t getting busy in the bedroom. By the way, only 14 percent of men suffer from it.
A recent ELLE/MSNBC.com survey found that 66 percent of men in a relationship said they want more sex compared to only 25 percent of women. And, men are more likely than women to be very disappointed with the amount of body contact they get in their relationship.
During one of my presentations, a teenage boy once asked, "Is it true that guys think about sex over 30 times per day and girls only think about it once per day?" For a teenage boy this is most likely true, but is it true for adults?
I’d have to agree that many men do think (or at least talk) about sex daily. And, men are easily distracted by the slight chance they might get some. If you rub up against a guy’s tender region while in the kitchen, he’s likely to bend you over the table. Do the same thing to a woman and you’ll get whacked with a rolling pin.
And you’re right Trina, some guys only care about releasing their little soldiers. But many men will flick the ticker till their playmate has had triple digit Oh’s. Well, more likely one-to-one, but who’s counting?
Men also turn to some umm…one hand reading material to release tension. If there is one thing that should prove that men are hornier, it’s that we jack much more than you jill. Studies repeatedly show that about 25 percent more men than women engage in solo sex.
So Trina, here’s my bottom line. Men and women have to work together to find a level of sexual frequency that works for both of them. Try to work towards a bedroom compromise. Scheduling sex together also works for a number of couples.
Don’t concern yourself with quantity. A-once-a-week-jolly-ole’-romp is better than a routine starfish lay three times per week.
Don’t make sex a routine, try new things and take turns initiating—your sex life will improve drastically.
Dr. Brian Parker is a sexologist and sex educator and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
Dr. Trina’s Point: Give it up guys…sex isn’t all about you.
Brian, do you remember the Woody Allen movie where on a split screen, Mia Farrow says to her psychiatrist, "He constantly wants sex—three times a week." On the adjacent screen Woody Allen says, "We hardly ever have sex—three times a week?"
I believe women do want sex as much as men. The challenge, though, is that it has to be memorable sex.
If any of you men are wondering why your gal isn’t as enthused about sex as you it’s probably because…are you ready? The sex is all about you, not her. Women would like sex to have a beginning, middle and end.
Instead, she gets the all-about-the-man sex—you clutch and grab her three hot spots, she hopefully has an orgasm and if not, oh well, there’s always next time, and then it’s on to you (finally!!!). After a few months of that old and tired routine other things bring more stimulation, like reading a romance novel.
It’s not rocket science Brian. Estrogen is far more powerful on female sexual desire than testosterone could ever hope to be. Think of when a woman is having her horny day. Heaven help the husband if he doesn’t pull through on a booty-call.
Men have two to 20 times more testosterone than women, but this does not mean men have 20 times the sex drive. A higher level of testosterone is needed for male sexual desire than for women.
And the thing that kills me Brian is guys get all wigged out if the gal is sexually assertive. Tracy Cox in her book Hot Sex writes, "These days, it’s just as likely to be her ripping off your suit and you’re complaining you’re too tired. And as women become more comfortable with sex, men are becoming less secure."
Hmmm. Let’s think about this. Men say they want an equal and active partner and when it happens his little head goes into hiding.
Most women see sex as emotional connection time. When she doesn’t feel that emotional connection because sex is only about having an orgasm, sex becomes one more thing on her to-do list.
Bottom line Brian: In order for women to want sex more, men have to give us a reason to have sex more. Stop making the sex all about you.
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint: Let’s get on the same schedule.
Trina, I agree that many women have equal or stronger sex drives than us men, but many do not. Here’s the proof. Research shows that 30 percent of women suffer from lack of desire. In fact, it’s the number one reason you chicks aren’t getting busy in the bedroom. By the way, only 14 percent of men suffer from it.
A recent ELLE/MSNBC.com survey found that 66 percent of men in a relationship said they want more sex compared to only 25 percent of women. And, men are more likely than women to be very disappointed with the amount of body contact they get in their relationship.
During one of my presentations, a teenage boy once asked, "Is it true that guys think about sex over 30 times per day and girls only think about it once per day?" For a teenage boy this is most likely true, but is it true for adults?
I’d have to agree that many men do think (or at least talk) about sex daily. And, men are easily distracted by the slight chance they might get some. If you rub up against a guy’s tender region while in the kitchen, he’s likely to bend you over the table. Do the same thing to a woman and you’ll get whacked with a rolling pin.
And you’re right Trina, some guys only care about releasing their little soldiers. But many men will flick the ticker till their playmate has had triple digit Oh’s. Well, more likely one-to-one, but who’s counting?
Men also turn to some umm…one hand reading material to release tension. If there is one thing that should prove that men are hornier, it’s that we jack much more than you jill. Studies repeatedly show that about 25 percent more men than women engage in solo sex.
So Trina, here’s my bottom line. Men and women have to work together to find a level of sexual frequency that works for both of them. Try to work towards a bedroom compromise. Scheduling sex together also works for a number of couples.
Don’t concern yourself with quantity. A-once-a-week-jolly-ole’-romp is better than a routine starfish lay three times per week.
Don’t make sex a routine, try new things and take turns initiating—your sex life will improve drastically.
Dr. Brian Parker is a sexologist and sex educator and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
What Women Want From Marriage
Top 10 Things Wives Want From Their Husbands
In no particular order, here are ten things that many wives want from their husbands.
Note that these are "wants" -- not emotional needs. As individuals, we are each responsible for filling our own emotional needs.
We believe that the four basic emotional needs are the need to be loved and to love; the need to belong; the need for a good self-image; and the need for autonomy.
1. Telling Her Daily That She is Loved
Everyone wants to be affirmed. Everyone wants to know they are loved. The best ways to say "I love you" are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways like an unexpected hug or holding hands when you walk together.
2. Understanding and Forgiveness
There will be days when your wife will make mistakes or when she will be difficult to be around. No one is perfect.
She both wants and deserves your willingness to understand and forgive her. Remember that no relationship can be sustained without forgiveness.
3. Conversation
Don't let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about your kids, your jobs, and the weather. If that happens, your marriage relationship could be in real trouble.
4. Willingness to Make Time for Her and Your Children
Having quality time with your wife and kids isn't something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans but by following through. Time with those you love has to be a high priority for you.
5. Saying "Yes" More Than Saying "No"
Habitual negative responses to your wife and kids can push them away from you. Think twice before saying "no" and you will be surprised at how saying "yes" can improve your relationships.
However as a man you must ensure the right balance, so you don't become a whimp or push over, because women like to have strong men around them, someone who can make decisions and take the leadership role, even if she can't immediately understand the reason behind your action.
6. Listening Well
It's really disheartening for a wife to share her thoughts and feelings with her mate and then realize that he didn't actually listen to her. Your wife wants you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your heart.
She doesn't want you to advise her on what or how to solve the problem, she only requires her man to the present, keeping quite and letting her pour her heart out without making any comments or interrupting her.
7. Affection and Kindness
How often do you say "please" or "thank you" or give your spouse an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind and affectionate to one another are one of the many keys to a successful marriage.
8. Sharing Household and Child Rearing Responsibilities.
One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who is doing what around the house. Chores and child care are not the sole responsibility of your wife. She shouldn't have to ask you to do your share around the house.
As a man you should have compassion enough to know that this body we all have, can only take on so much stress before it starts breaking down, women go through a lot in the day and at night time men also require them to be at there service.
Helping her with some of her chores, will ensure she doesn't resent you and you guys can have fun and play longer in bed.
9. A Day Off Now and Then
Don't fuss about your wife taking a day off several times a month. This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets, and you.
She deserves this break in her schedule and she needs to provide it for herself to be emotionally and physically healthy. She should also be allowed some me alone time every now and then ,even though its hard for men to let go of there wives because of getting used to been dependent on there wives..
10. Commitment to Take Care of Yourself Both Physically and Emotionally ( Independent )
Many men are notorious for not taking care of themselves when it comes to health issues. This isn't fair to your wife. She is your lover not your mother. Take responsibility for your own health concerns.
Your well being, look after you affair and be a helper to your wife as much as she has to be the help meet traditionally, not forgetting that due to the financial pressures of modern times, women also have to go and earn a living in order for the family to balance its check book and have all the basic comfort of life, good education for the kids and holidays to foreign destination.
In no particular order, here are ten things that many wives want from their husbands.
Note that these are "wants" -- not emotional needs. As individuals, we are each responsible for filling our own emotional needs.
We believe that the four basic emotional needs are the need to be loved and to love; the need to belong; the need for a good self-image; and the need for autonomy.
1. Telling Her Daily That She is Loved
Everyone wants to be affirmed. Everyone wants to know they are loved. The best ways to say "I love you" are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways like an unexpected hug or holding hands when you walk together.
2. Understanding and Forgiveness
There will be days when your wife will make mistakes or when she will be difficult to be around. No one is perfect.
She both wants and deserves your willingness to understand and forgive her. Remember that no relationship can be sustained without forgiveness.
3. Conversation
Don't let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about your kids, your jobs, and the weather. If that happens, your marriage relationship could be in real trouble.
4. Willingness to Make Time for Her and Your Children
Having quality time with your wife and kids isn't something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans but by following through. Time with those you love has to be a high priority for you.
5. Saying "Yes" More Than Saying "No"
Habitual negative responses to your wife and kids can push them away from you. Think twice before saying "no" and you will be surprised at how saying "yes" can improve your relationships.
However as a man you must ensure the right balance, so you don't become a whimp or push over, because women like to have strong men around them, someone who can make decisions and take the leadership role, even if she can't immediately understand the reason behind your action.
6. Listening Well
It's really disheartening for a wife to share her thoughts and feelings with her mate and then realize that he didn't actually listen to her. Your wife wants you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your heart.
She doesn't want you to advise her on what or how to solve the problem, she only requires her man to the present, keeping quite and letting her pour her heart out without making any comments or interrupting her.
7. Affection and Kindness
How often do you say "please" or "thank you" or give your spouse an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind and affectionate to one another are one of the many keys to a successful marriage.
8. Sharing Household and Child Rearing Responsibilities.
One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who is doing what around the house. Chores and child care are not the sole responsibility of your wife. She shouldn't have to ask you to do your share around the house.
As a man you should have compassion enough to know that this body we all have, can only take on so much stress before it starts breaking down, women go through a lot in the day and at night time men also require them to be at there service.
Helping her with some of her chores, will ensure she doesn't resent you and you guys can have fun and play longer in bed.
9. A Day Off Now and Then
Don't fuss about your wife taking a day off several times a month. This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets, and you.
She deserves this break in her schedule and she needs to provide it for herself to be emotionally and physically healthy. She should also be allowed some me alone time every now and then ,even though its hard for men to let go of there wives because of getting used to been dependent on there wives..
10. Commitment to Take Care of Yourself Both Physically and Emotionally ( Independent )
Many men are notorious for not taking care of themselves when it comes to health issues. This isn't fair to your wife. She is your lover not your mother. Take responsibility for your own health concerns.
Your well being, look after you affair and be a helper to your wife as much as she has to be the help meet traditionally, not forgetting that due to the financial pressures of modern times, women also have to go and earn a living in order for the family to balance its check book and have all the basic comfort of life, good education for the kids and holidays to foreign destination.
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